What Will They Say?
What do you want to be when you grow up? That’s a question often asked of kids as early as 5 years old. I wanted to be a marine biologist and move to Florida. I had no clue what that really meant but it involved dolphins. My Lisa Frank glittery dolphin covered Trapper Keeper must’ve been my inspiration. Needless to say, I didn’t follow this path.
As I moved up to the middle school years, I started taking those career assessments at school. My results were always: news reporter, school counselor, nonprofit director, and things similar. I didn’t become any of these things either, but it was meant to give me some ideas to think about as I figured out my career path. It’s always good to have some framework as we work our way through life.
Early in my life and career, I was chasing praise and people pleasing was my niche. I was trying to make everyone around me happy for superficial and personal reasons. I desperately wanted to hear the words, “you’re the best” and “great job”. But, after experiencing certain things in my life, I began to look for a deeper meaning. I started asking myself questions like – “what’s all this for?” and “what is my purpose here?” That led me to begin building a new framework. My new focus: “What will they say when I’m gone?”
Several years ago, I ran across an op-ed written by David Brooks, published in the New York Times. It was titled, The Moral Bucket List. In that article, he described two sets of virtues, the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. Of course, the resume virtues are those skills you bring to the places you’ve worked and the eulogy are the ones that have a deeper meaning. They describe what kind of person you were and what your life meant to others. I’ve been to enough funerals to know which ones really matter.
Stop and really think about this right now – what will they say when you are gone?
I challenge you to start focusing on those eulogy virtues, so you can leave behind an unimaginable legacy of kindness and goodness. Here are a few ideas to get your wheels turning:
Be a light. What exactly does this mean? Smile! Smile at a stranger in the grocery store. Be the positive energy that enters the room and makes others feel happy. (Not promoting toxic positivity here – we all have our down times and that’s 1000% okay!) Say “hello” to people passing by you walking along the street.
Check in. Check on people. Send a quick text and ask how they’re doing. Pick up the phone and call. If they are on your mind, they might need a friend. Every time I receive a random text, it brightens my day.
Be a good friend. Listen to your friends. I’ve been challenging myself to pull back and really listen to what my friends are saying. When you bring up something totally insignificant they said weeks ago it makes them feel good. As a person who always tries to “connect” with people by chiming in to show them “I get it”, sometimes they don’t need the connection as much we do. They need someone to listen. Making people feel seen and heard is a great form of love and respect. We all want that.
Help people. There were people who helped me through some really hard times. People that I never really had much of a relationship with, but they just wanted to help me. I never forgot it. People never forget it. Pitch in and help people.
Volunteer in your community. We all have amazing and unique talents and experiences that gave us wisdom. There are groups in your community that can use your talents and you can bring something to the table that no one else can. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and offer your expertise. Believe me, it will touch people in more ways than you realize.
Love your family. This is a pretty easy one for most. But, when tragedy hits your family, you see who is there and who continues to be there for you. Be that person that always shows up. The one who always reaches out and lets them know you are there. It’s noticed and appreciated. Love your family well.
Be kind. Being truly kind is when you care about people and you show them you care. There are so many ways to show someone you care, send a card, ask about their family, follow up with them on a problem they were facing last week, invite them to lunch, include them. This one is a natural part of our being, but sometimes when you’ve been through a lot of your own problems, you need to brush off the dust and see how you can care for others. In all honesty, it can be a big part of your own personal healing too.
Speak good things about others. Love people well when they are present and when they are not. It’s often even more impactful when they are not. Speak kind words about others. You really don’t know the whole story.
As Marcus Aurelius said in his book of Meditations, “Don’t behave as if you are destined to live forever. What’s fated hangs over you. As long as you live and while you can, become good now.”
My hope is this gives you a little inspiration to really reflect on what you are doing now in your life and what kind of legacy you want to leave behind. Don’t get so caught up in the mundane tasks of the day-to-day that you forget to be intentional with the gifts and talents and wisdom you have that you can share with others. Isn’t that why we are all here? To help one another through this life so we can enter into the next?
What will your legacy be? What will they say when you are gone? Take action now because we really don’t know the number of days we have left on this earth.
Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
Kristie
Words of wisdom! Thank you for sharing your inspirational thoughts.
Charla
This is amazing . Love reading your thoughts!
Thanks for sharing. You are doing great things girl
Jessica
Thank you for always showing up and loving your family well! Love you, Aunt Sharon!
Aunt Sharon
Great job Jessica! Love your blogs!