Having a baby in college? And then another before going into student teaching? Why not? Buying that new house upon graduation? Go for it. Raising three small kids while teaching full-time, attending grad school, volunteering, and the satisfaction of doing all of this while my husband worked overtime nightshifts for a decade? Ha! Bring me a goal I hadn’t met or a challenge I couldn’t handle. I was a machine. And although my outer life seemed admirable and ordered and my responsibilities were always taken care of, my inner life was one of discord.
The go-getter is part of who I am, and my endurance was a testament to who I was, but I paid an unseen cost for enduring in my own strength. Anxiety was my closest “friend,” the unseen director of my life, and panic attacks kept me at about four hours of sleep at night. Disappointment came easily and with crushing force, like a tidal wave. I consistently felt set aside, unneeded, or unimportant to people in the grand scheme of things, so I became a closet people pleaser. My go-to emotion was anger, and even when leashed, it simmered below the surface. Every action of life against me—no matter how small—translated to hurt, the anger merely a disguise for the incessant pain.
This endurance—done in my own strength and for my own purposes—was not wrong; it was necessary. It was not failure; it was survival. To avoid falling apart on the inside, I performed on the outside. One was a distraction from the other as well as a cover. Perhaps you can relate?
God honored my endurance of those years, but He also had more. Survival is no longer sufficient when God deems it is time for healing. There comes a time and place when we settle for what is instead of what could be; we settle for what is instead of leaning in to capture what God intends for us. What once kept you moving forward may now be holding you back. And that’s where God meets us.
Do you sense:
– Restlessness you can’t ignore
– Old strategies that no longer work
– A growing intolerance for performance of any kind
– Dissatisfaction with “fine” or “making it”
– Your normal feeling at odds
This is God’s invitation to lean in and explore, and it can feel frightening. Transformation can feel destabilizing because the pain we know is preferable to the unknown. But God did not invite Israel out of Egypt to leave them wandering for eternity. He had a place and purpose for them. Their transformation—their eventual freedom—would shift them from “How do I survive this?” to “Who am I becoming?” But we can’t approach who we are becoming if we aren’t willing to step away from our norm and explore possibilities beyond it. Rest assured, God will not expose what He does not intend to heal.
You don’t have to rush or strive—just keep walking with Him, and let His faithfulness finish the work. As I explored the small steps God put before me, I slowly experienced the inner change that only He can bring. Panic attacks disappeared completely, and anxiety functions as intended, as a red flag instead of a fire alarm. My sleep normalized. Disappointment happens, but it doesn’t drown me. My identity is no longer reliant on others, so people-pleasing is a thing of the past. I am amazed at how the anger has dissipated as God has healed my hurt and brokenness. I don’t recognize myself. Rest in this truth: the same God who sustained you is now lovingly forming you into who He created you to be.
So, now it’s your turn. You’ve already proven that you can do hard things. You survived what should have destroyed you. Now God is calling you to become what endurance alone could never produce. Your survival was not the finish line; it was the doorway into God’s deeper work.
About the Author
Jen Gleghorn is a writer and educator with degrees in Education and English, who has spent over two decades teaching high school English in rural Pennsylvania. As a credentialed minister, she also serves as a volunteer staff pastor, offering coaching and pastoral counseling. Jen writes from a deep passion for helping others move from survival mode into transformation and step fully into who God created them to be. She is a wife, mom of three adult children, and grandma, who loves reading, new experiences, and driving her Jeep anywhere the road leads.
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