Years ago, in a college psychology class, our professor handed out a life stress inventory. We were to mark down the major events we had experienced in life, with a section specific to the last year. Each was assigned a point value. The higher your score, the higher your risk for stress-related health problems.
When I tallied my answers, my score was so far off the charts that my professor looked at me in disbelief. In just one year, I had gotten married, built a house, had a baby, started a new job, and enrolled in school. That alone would be a heavy load for most people.
But the inventory also considered your history. My past included surviving childhood sexual abuse, losing a close loved one in a tragic accident at a young age, losing a parent, and living with a chronic illness. All of it combined made my “stress score” skyrocket.
And yet, when I look around, I know I’m not the only one. We all know someone whose life seems to stack hardship upon hardship. At work, in church, among friends or family, there are people who have endured far more than their fair share of storms. Somehow, they are usually the ones who keep showing up with a smile on their face and peace in their heart.
Why is that?
I believe it’s because resilience isn’t about avoiding hardship, it’s about learning how to keep living well in the middle of it. Resilient people understand that while we can’t always choose our circumstances, we can choose our response. We can choose to keep showing up for life, even when it’s messy, painful, and unpredictable.
For me, resilience has looked like:
Faith – trusting that God is at work even when I can’t see the full picture
Community – seeking out others with experience in thriving through challenges
Creative Processing – journaling, drawing, painting, through feelings
Resilient people don’t have an easier life, in fact it’s often those who experience the most tragedy that are the most resilient. The “secret” is that they simply choose not to let life’s hardships harden their hearts. They refuse to be defined by tragedy. They allow the difficult seasons to deepen their compassion instead of their bitterness. They keep showing up. They keep trying.
If you’re in a hard season right now, please hear this: resilience isn’t something you’re either born with or not. It’s something you build, one day at a time, one choice at a time. Some days that choice might look like taking a brave step forward. Other days, it’s simply deciding to get out of bed and try again. Both count. Both matter.
So you pray, and you cry if you need to, and you work through it, and you keep going. And maybe you’ll look back one day and realize that the season that tried to break you was the one that made you stronger than you ever thought you could be.
About the Author
Jennifer Barnett is a wife, mom to two teenage boys, and keeper of three lovable dogs who keep life interesting. With a background in community outreach and nonprofit leadership, along with a heart rooted in her Catholic faith, she works to help make the world a better place. Farm-raised and forever an outdoor enthusiast, Jennifer is happiest with fresh air in her lungs and a front-row seat to a beautiful sunset. She’s an avid reader, a frequent traveler, and loves to share her adventures through her travel blog.
Do you listen to podcasts? Find more encouragement by listening to the Resilient with Jessica Boarman podcast on Apple or Spotify.
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